The Qwer Old Fella's Marathon Method

a.m. AIS followed by 3.5 miles easy and another blast of AIS.

Things are looking good. All the hip and butt stuff have completely cleared. I have noticed a slight twinge in the distal mtj of my right biceps femoris and I suspect that that might be the cheeky little blighter that was responsible for my woes. The right achilles was a tad tender too, but nothing too troublesome.

Anyway, now that the boring stuff's out of the way, let's get ready to rumble...

What a week! Some may feel exhausted from the cross training debate but I feel as though we're just warming up. But, as the week draws to a close, I'll leave it for another time. That said, I want to sum up my thoughts on the initial forays into the murky world of cross training...

Earlier in the week, Andrea asked the question about my thoughts on cross training or if I remember correctly, what cross training I do/did. Before I answered I thought carefully - I knew my answer might incite responses that would differ from my views. Not one to sit on the fence, I answered with candour. I don't cross train. I gave some very general reasons that lacked substance but they were ok on a general level. Then we had some great opinions and views - JG's thoughts were really thought provoking and forced me to think hard about my opinions on cross training.

Anyway, I'm sure most of us will think about what we do or do not do when we're injured in future and that has to be a good thing. It's got to be a good thing to think carefully about what we're doing when we're injured. Is it better to cross train and maintain fitness even though it may prolong the injury or is it better to rest and lose fitness but get over the injury quickly? I'm still not sure and, for me, that's one of the many reasons why we're just lifting the lid on this can of clichés:)

So, I had an idea... I think I'll pick a topic each week and post my thoughts on the weekly topic. The reasons for this are many, but mainly because it might be a laugh:). Yes, I will be provocative - that should ensure good debate:)

Hold your breath, this is a good one... Next week's topic - Coaching. Some initial things to consider: are coaches and parents living vicariously through their athletes/children? Do coaches push kids too hard so that the coach receives the kudos while the child/athlete ultimately ends up disillusioned/injured. What motivates a coach to leave the family environment and coach other parents' kids? Do parents make bad coaches? I'll leave you with this gem - a proposition propagated by some senior British coaches  - teachers make the worst coaches, discuss.

Laters.

a.m. 3.5 easy.

We took Grace, aka BabyBam, to the Killarney Spring Series 5k at the National Park. I ran around with her and I have to say she surprised me. In fact, she blew me away. She ran a good bit faster than I expected and although she's only 10, she finished ahead of all the under 15 girls and all bar one of the under 15 boys. She beat loads of adults too.

Great day. Think I might send her over to coach Murphy. Not sure what to do with her. I think she could have run well under 24 today.

It was good to see the leading men battling it out as they came back in. Made me wish... Ah well, maybe in a few months.

a.m. AIS, 3.5 miles easy, and AIS.

a.m. 6 miles easy. No run yesterday. When I got up I couldn’t detect any sign of discomfort in my leg/butt, so I decided to take the day off and see if it remained that way. It did. Today, there were no signs of discomfort so I decided to give it a proper test and ran 6 miles easy. No problems. I think I may have finally sorted out this little injury. I’ve lost a good four weeks and I’ll need to be careful building back up. I’ll probably take a month to get back to running twice a day and then from March I'll start training with gusto - he's my training partner.

Anyway, back to the old coaching conundrum. First off, some important points:

1. My wife is a qualified Secondary School teacher (High School) and worked, for many years, as the head of the English dept. in the school where she taught – she left teaching to take a job as an editor. So, I’m a fan of teachers (yes, I had to say that because my wife sometimes reads this rubbish).

2. The senior British coaches who said that teachers make the worst coaches were Frank Horwill, Harry Wilson, and Denis Watts – all were very famous and highly respected coaches. They made this statement in their ‘seminal’ book, The Complete Middle Distance Runner. They removed this point from the book in later editions, along with some incorrect physiological statements they made – they were taken to task on these issues by my coach, Chris Orchard, who was a teacher!

3. This is the most important point: I know nothing about coaching! I do, however, have many thoughts and questions that I will articulate during the week. Because it’s such a broad subject, I’ll start tomorrow with my musings on why I think runners (generally) do not make well balanced individuals – of course, these are my mad thoughts based on anecdotal evidence and are not drawn from any scientific studies and should therefore be taken with a gargantuan mound of salt.

COACHING

INT. DR LOOPER’S OFFICE, SOME CITY -- DAY

Well thumbed tomes and papers are scattered about the floor. Framed photographs of runners decorate the walls. The thrum of traffic carries from the streets and drifts through an open window. Cars honk. Everything softens to silence. Looper and Bam face each other. Looper’s cluttered desk separates them. A long beat passes, they wait.

BAM

Sorry, I just… You know.

LOOPER

It’s all right.

BAM

It was just that I…Well, sometimes I get a little. It’s not that I’m - you know.

LOOPER

It’s all right to say it. You might even find…

BAM

But I’m not! How many times do you have to be told?

LOOPER stands and pockets his hands. He strolls over to the window and closes it. He looks down at the city. The city’s busy at it.

LOOPER

Do you think the cat will survive?

BAM

I’m not sure. It wasn’t pretty.

LOOPER gives a hard stare at the city streets and then closes the window. He walks back to the desk and sits.

LOOPER

Was that the first time that you…

BAM

What do you take me for?

LOOPER

I think we should move on.

BAM

Yeah, this is costing me some serious coin.

LOOPER

What get’s your goat most – runners who count downhill dashes as pr’s or runners who use PED’s?

BAM

Overtraining!

LOOPER

What?

BAM

There, I said it. Overtraining.

LOOPER

That's great, but what about my question?

BAM looks at one of the pictures on the wall and then stands to take a closer look.

BAM

Is that your man? It is. It's himself.

To be continued…

a.m. 3.5 miles easy. Hope to get out for another easy 3.5 later.

… BAM walks back to his seat and sits. He shakes his head.

BAM

Man-oh-man, I can’t believe you have his picture hanging on your wall. How do you know him? Wait, did he have to come and see you. You know, did he need his head sorting? Was he do-lally too? I bet I know what it was. Wait a minute… Hold on. It’s on the tip of my...

Beat

Both of them.

DR LOOPER

What ?

BAM

Both of them. PEDS and people who count downhill dashes as pr’s – they both get my, what was it you called it? Oh yeah, my goat. Both cheaters. PEDS is obvious but the Down-hillers are as bad. Worse.

DR LOOPER

From that, I take it that you’re a moral absolutist?

BAM

Imagine the torment the down-hillers must suffer. That little voice nagging away in their heads, “Liar. Cheat. Fraudster. You’re only bluffing yourself. Add 5 minutes onto your marathon pr and then you might be close.”

DR LOOPER

Do you really believe that?

BAM

I can see them now, you know, at work in the office as they hobble over to the water machine, hoping somebody will ask what’s wrong with them. Even the slightest chance to regale some nobody with how they pr’ed on the weekend. Of course, they’ll start with how they started training 12 weeks back, building the miles, increasing the tempo runs, dropping in the speed work in the wind and rain and snow and all of this when they were suffering with folliculitis on the big toe of their right foot.

DR LOOPER scribbles down notes on his pad. He stops and scratches his beard.

BAM

Then they give it the big chat, “knocked 2 minutes off my time and if I can get my fuelling right, I might just knock another couple of minutes off my pr.” The work colleague scurries away and spends the rest of the week avoiding the fruitcake. But the nutter’s there at home, telling all and sundry how everybody at the office wanted to know.

DR LOOPER flips over a page and continues writing – smoke’s coming off the paper.

BAM

But then when they’re in bed at night, the little voice comes out and plagues the hell out of them. “Cheat. Bluffer. You haven’t got the stones to run a marathon on a legit course. Because if you did, your family and your colleagues would treat you as though you were somebody with chronic halitosis; the world would see your soul – they'd see you for what you really are – nothing. Squat. Worse than that, they’d know that you’re merely a jogger”

DR LOOPER

What’s your marathon pr, Bam?

BAM looks at him. LOOPER stares right back at BAM. Through him. Bam’s phone dances on the table.

BAM

I better get that; it might be about the cat.

DR LOOPER nods. BAM picks up the phone.

BAM

Hello.

Beat

OK Sweetness and Light, I better go. I’m with DR LOOPER.

BAM places the phone on the desk and shuffles back in his chair.

BAM

‘Twas the gaffer. She said that the cat didn’t make it. I’m in for a rough few weeks.

DR LOOPER

I asked you about your marathon pr.

BAM

Poor cat. Maybe I had been overtraining. Shouldn’t have thrown it out the bathroom window.

DR LOOPER

Your marathon pr?

BAM

What do you do with a dead cat? Can you bury them in the garden or do you have to take them to the undertakers? They don’t teach this stuff at school.

DR LOOPER

Your marathon pr? Any pr?

BAM

The kids will go nuts. They might cut up my skipping rope and I won’t be able to do my AIS. Jakers! Sorry Doc, where were we?

DR LOOPER

I think we’ll move on. I want to talk to you about balance. Balance in your life. I’ve been doing this job for twenty odd years now and I’ve yet to come across a jogger who leads a balanced life.

BAM

I haven’t run a marathon yet. But in two years time when I’m fifty, I’m going to break the world record for the 50-55 age category.

DR LOOPER

Is that right?

DR LOOPER starts writing again. He’s shaking his head.

BAM

I’ve spent fifteen months getting back into running, building the miles, strengthening the tendons and ligaments and all that sort of malarkey. Once I get over this butt crap, I’ll be ready to go. Being injured is like being constipated: you’re dieing to go but you can’t. Once you do get going again, there’s no stopping you.

DR LOOPER

Do you really believe you can break the world record?

BAM

Hold on a sec, Doc. But did you just call me a jogger? No offence, but if you ever call me a jogger again, I’ll knock you out.

DR LOOPER

Bam, you’re what, 138lbs? I’m 200lbs of beef. I workout and I’m a Master of Brazilian jujitsu.

BAM

The world record’s only 2:19 something.

DR LOOPER

Times up Bam. Tomorrow I want you to come to my clinic. We’ve got some serious work to do.

BAM

Compression socks.

DR LOOPER

What?

BAM

Compression socks get my goat.

DR LOOPER

Why on earth do compression socks get your goat?

BAM

Think about it, Doc. Women look ridiculous in compression socks, you know, the whole Britney thing and all that. Serious fashion faux pas. But I don’t profess to understand the female psyche. But men in compression socks is one step too far. Any man who wears compression socks should be stripped and flogged in public. If my wife saw me in compression socks she’d say, “Why Bam, what are you doing? It isn’t the weekend.”

DR LOOPER

Times up Bam, we will carry on with this tomorrow – in my clinic.

BAM leaves. DR LOOPER puts his head in his hands and then buzzes his secretary.

DR LOOPER

Mary will you bring me in some ibuprofen. I have a migraine.

MARY

Ok. Your wife dropped off your gym kit. She said to tell you that if you look in the side pocket of your bag, you’ll find your compression socks.

a.m. 6 miles easy on an honest loop. I swear I wasn’t wearing compression socksJ

WAITING FOR BAMOT

INT.DR LOOPER'S CLINIC FOR THE INSANE, SOME CITY -- DAY.

The treatment room is white. Everything. White couch; white table; white chair; white walls. DR LOOPER is sitting at the table tapping his polished finger nails on the desk. He's dressed for the gym: white headband, white running vest, white running shorts and white Nike trainers. Worse still, He's wearing white compression socks and white compression calf sleeves. He takes a crumpled photograph out of his headband and studies it. He looks at it longingly.

DR LOOPER

(To the person in the photograph) You are my hero.

 Many minutes pass. DR LOOPER has remained fixated with the person in the photograph.

DR LOOPER

You're so athletic.

He pulls the photo closer and stares hard at the person in the photograph. After twenty minutes he sets the photograph down on the table and then stands and starts to pace the room.

DR LOOPER

Where's Bam? I need to get back to my office. I've clients to see.

An hour passes and he starts to leave. He stops and goes back to his desk and picks up the photograph. He stares at it.

DR LOOPER

You knew how to wear compression socks, and sleeves. Nobody dared laugh at you, did they, Brandon.

Carefully, he rolls up the photograph and tucks it in his headband. He saunters towards the door and stops for a moment. He looks about the room.

DR LOOPER

Better get back to the office. Dr Poulsen's coming to see me about managing his desire to destroy all runners in races. Wonder what happened to Bam.

3 miles easy along the canal with Grace.

The plan was to do 3 with Grace and then go on and do a further 4 miles. but my right achilles played up so I decided to call it a day with the just the three. I've iced the achilles and it feels much better. I'll see how it is tomorrow...

a.m. 5 miles easy.

Got up and read all the race reports (considering the conditions, there were some sterling performances in the SLC 10K - aka The Battle Of The Sleeves -  and the pictures were great). I looked out the window and realised how lucky I am to live in a country where the climate is temperate.

Planned to do an easy 6 but after 5 I decided to stop and walk the final mile. Nothing serious but my right achilles and the right side of my body just felt out of sync. Played it safe. I fear this little niggle may plague me a wee while longer...

a.m. 4 miles easy along the canal.

Spent an hour doing myofascial release, then did some static stretching and moved gracefully on to some cheeky glute activation exercises, followed this with some glute integration/functional work - getting the glutes to work as decelerators/stabilisers - and then finished this litte bout of PT off with some body weight functional exercises - squats and dead lifts etc - to reinforce the motor patterns. Then I did some AIS and dynamic stretching before going out for a slow 4 miles. After the run I did some positional release (didn't work very well), more AIS and iced my achilles.

More of the same scheduled for later with some mobility and pre-core work thrown in too.

p.m. AIS and mobility work followed by some pre-core work. No run - trying to get the old achilles to settle down.

Made healthy brownies for the kids. The reason they are healthy for the kids is that they will not be getting any:)

No run today. Planned to do 2x3.5 miles and a load of pt stuff but Grace woke up sick and had to stay off school, which meant I couldn't go for a run.

Managed to get loads of PT stuff done, which is defo helping. I know I'm so close to getting back; I've just got to be patient. I'll skip the run tonight too and give the achilles more time.

Although the injury sucks it's affording me the opportunity to stand back and re-evalutate things. When this injury has cleared, I might attack the training from a different angle and maybe with a view to changing my goals - they'll still be mad:)

Above all else, I'm considering the compression route (not the socks and sleeves - the compression body suit). I think I might need it to hold in the explosion of lard that I'm now saturated in.

a.m. 3.5 miles at silly o'clock. Had to get my run in early as Grace is skiving off school with a cold.

Did a good bout of AIS and glute activation stuff before the run and followed it up with more AIS and glute activation exercises. Plan is to do 90 mins PT later and then repeat this morning's  exercises and 3.5 tonight.

I felt better running this morning - in terms of my leg/butt/achilles/brain - than I have in months. But I've lost my aerobic fitness and put on a pile of lard.

Luchtime: 90 mins PT and functional fitness.

p.m. 3.5 miles easy. Repeated this morning's routine. Injury has gone. But my achilles is still a touch tender to the touch, which isn't too bad. I think it'll clear up in a day or two. Great stuff:)

No run today - too busy opening my Valentine's Day cards. Exhausted.

Do I still love my wife after all these years?

Yes.

Why?

Because she'd beat me if I didn't. 

My leg is 100% better. My achilles is nearly there and I don't want to risk a flare up, so I've decided not to run until it too is 100% - hopefully that'll be tomorrow.

xxx

a.m. 4 miles incl 5k race with Grace aka BabyBam.

Headed over to the Killarney National Park so that Grace could run the second of her 5k races. Even though she has been sick, she ran well and won the under 15 girls section. I wasn't going to let her run but I value what's left of my life:)

My leg was fine and dan-day, but the ahilles played up. I'm not fussed about the achilles, it'll clear soon. I'm just glad that the Brandrea thing has cleared:) The secret is to use some of Brandon's voodoo chants. You have to hop around sockless, singing 'We all live in a yellow submarine,' while stabbing a doll with needles - odd, but it works:)

a.m. No run. Some PT stuff and functional fitness malarkey. I'm being ultra cautious with my achilles - I'm not going to run until it has completely cleared. This will afford me time to start addressing the stability and mobility  and strength and muscle firing and general decrepitednesseocity of my right leg and hip area.

Skipped my appointment with Doc Looper - had to mop the floors, cook a stew, and work on my 'new' training schedule - It's very nice!

a.m. No run. Final day of no running. Did 90 mins PT and functional fitness.

Now ye are gonna tink me ole head's cut, but come here and listen while I let ye on some goss:

When I leapt outta me scratcher dis morning, I noticed duh most amazing ting, ever in duh whole widest world. Stood dare in all duh grandeur and glory dat I entered duh world in, I realised dat duh right side of me body was closer to duh left side of me body. Imagine how shook I was at dat little fact-a-rooney. I shuddered like an enuit stood in duh buff, doing his business outside his neighbour's igloo. Me blinkin right side was now duh spit of me left. Duh body  is some supernatural beast. Powerful stuff. Healed. Duh achilles is no longer no achilles heel and with duh right leg, now that it's spankers like duh left un, all's chilled in Bam's igloo. But I decided to give it all another day before I take back to duh roads.

With all duh excitement, I nearly forgot me appointment with duh head fella and dat I was supposed to meet dat chick from duh blog, Janz. But I remembered in time and pegged it over to duh head doc's pad and arrived with enough time to splash on duh old santos de cartier - the lay-days love a splash of duh old santos:)

Anyways peeps, big stuff happened at duh head doc's pad, and den over at duh 'restaurant', der was some major leagaue happenings. Dat Janz can eat and weep like prairie dog dat hasn't seen head nor tail of its butt in weeks.

Now, come here and listen for a wee one, I haven't duh time right now - gotta pick up duh money grabbers. Tomorrow, I let ye in on all duh big stuff...

a.m. 5 miles easy along the canal, followed by some PT and functional fitness.

I was able to run without any major discomfort - some slight stiffness in the tibiofibular joint and some referred pangs into the mid-substance achilles. But nothing major. Very pleased, mainly because the hip plague has done one.

Bad news: I think my digital scales are kaputt! They gave out a reading of 144lbs - yeah, you know what I mean. Fat chance of that being correct. That would mean that I've put on between 11 and 13 lbs in about 6 weeks. Come to think of it, they might be in perfect working order.

Time to knuckle down, no more faffing about - everything has to be about getting super fit. Sorry Janz, no time for shenanigans - top athletes need to stay focussed, self centred and disciplined. From now on, it's all about me... unless the wife tells me something different. I'm off to work on pronating...

a.m. 3 miles easy along the canal.

Just did a short jog to get the blood pumping etc. Everything felt fine. Noticed after the run that the reason why my tibiofibular joint feels stiff is more to do with an ache in my hallucius longus tendon. Later, I'll be doing some PT on my big toe's tendon. I suspect that people out for an evening stroll might just stop in mid stride when they hear the profanities booming from our house as my thumbs root around searching for triggers... 

a.m. 3 miles easy.

100% pain free and discomfort free. This is the normalistickiest that I've felt in a long time.  I'll do 4 miles tomorrow, which will include 5k with Grace as she runs in her final race. Then, from Sunday I'll start building.

Grace's coach, at her athletics club, asked my wife, Majella, if we would consider not letting Grace run any more 5k races - he doesn't know me:) He told Majella that Grace has massive talent and is the best out of all the kids at doing the drills etc. I think he might be concerned that we are over zealous parents trying to live vicariously through our children - I just want her to win a few major marathons so I can retire without any worries; what's wrong with that? That's why we had her- a bit like My Sister's Keeper:)

Just wondering what people think about a girl of 10 doing a 5k run - she's not doing them eyeballs out, she running at what I would call tempo effort - comfortable hard. Apart from going to athletics twice a week, where they mainly do drills, she's running twice a week - 3 miles each time; I hasten to add, off road and on soft surfaces.

From what I've read, it's ok for pre-pubescent girls to develop their endurance, in fact, up until the age of 10, endurance and running form are the main areas to develop. Her two runs a week are much slower than what she does the 5k races at. She doesn't do anything resembling vo2 max stuff.

So, do I stop her from running the 3 miles etc and just let her go to athletics or should I continue to let her develop her endurance? Remember, my future is in your hands, together we are coaching Grace towards Marathon/10,000m/5,000m/1,500m success:)

I've read the stuff about Alana Hadley but I think Grace may suit middle distance running initially - I want her to be able to kick at the end of a marathon and find 5:13 pace doable during a marathon:)

a.m. 4 miles including 5k with Grace in the final race of the winter series at the Killarney National Park.

Leg was fine today, which is great news. It feels strange being able to run without discomfort. Yipeee!

Great fun this morning. Grace ran well and she received a huge cheer at the prize giving doobry.  I think she's well and truly hooked!

a.m. 5 miles easy along the canal. Nice fresh morning. Bumped into my old fella at the end of my run - he was out doing his first training session of the day: he walks a mile and a half in the morning and then again in the evening. Jakers, we're all at it:)

My plan is nothing more than 5/6 miles in one go until the end of March. I'll throw in the odd double day (a 3 or a 5) and the odd session of drill/strides. I've introduced some functional fitness and pre-core work (very important stuff - getting the minor muscles to fire before the bigger core muscles, through rolls and bears and crabs and other such animalistic exercises - it's about going back to being a toddler. There's no point doing planks etc, if your body has forgotten how to function correctly. This, I suspect, is why so many of us are suffering with hamstring/glute/core/s.i. problems.) I intend to develop this over the next month so that when I get to April, and start 3 months of base training, the F.F. will be the norm.

a.m. 5 miles easy. Very slow. Odd twinge in the achilles but nothing too serious.

So I told the wife that all American 'men' shave their legs. Hoho, there was some chortling and guffawing in our house this morning:)

p.m. 3 miles easy along the canal with Grace - well, not quite...

Decided to wait until Grace finished school so I could run with her. The plan was to do 4 easy miles along the canal in the afternoon sunshine. Someday I'll understand women.

After Saturday's race the three lay-days went to the hairdressers for the works. They came back looking the dogs. Great. But today when we set out to run along the canal, Grace was complaining about her hair. Not that it was getting messy etc, but that it was flapping about and going in her eyes - women, what are they like? She got all mardy and wouldn't run with me. She ran 10 metres behind me the whole way - until I decided to speed up a bit:) I cut the run short to a 3 as I knew she'd be in a stinking mood.

When we got back to the car, the gaffa gave out to me for not running with Grace. I kept stumm: if this life has taught me one thing, it's that you should zip it when the old lady's giving out to you about the kids.

It's tough being me.

5 miles along the canal.

Started out nice and slow and then after half a mile, out of nowhere, my legs took off and I was going at a good clip. I could feel the the breeze tickling the hairs on my legs. Lovely jubbly. Kept this up until the turn-around point at 2.5 miles and then eased off a touch on the way back in.

Right leg felt a bit heavy - maybe that's where I've put on the weight:) Delighted that I was able to go a bit quicker and work the heart and lungs. Even more impressed that I've lost a pound:)

p.m. 3 miles easy along the canal with Grace.

Waited for Grace to come home from school and then we all headed down to the canal. Majella (the wife) and Olivia (6) fed the swans while Grace and I went for a pootle. Grace wore a headband today and that solved all the girly tears. It was nice to run and chat with her. She was telling me about school; normally she tells us very little.

Beautiful afternoon: sunny and chilly. Mist over the mountains and a good few people out plodding along the canal - no doubt getting ready to run the Tralee International Marathon on the 16th March. The town's buzzing with marathon mania.

Talking of marathon mania, I'm tinkering with my predictions. Let me know if you want a Bam prediction (revealed after the event) for this weekend's races:)